No Clothes

So, yet again, you and your girlfriend are running late for an event. Precisely 37 minutes late. You know this because you looked at your watch a minute ago. And every minute before that. You really hate being late for anything.

Thirty eight. Thirty-nine. Forty … wait! Hold up. There she is. Finally!

"How do I look?" she asks. Which is a stupid question, you think, since she looks hot in pretty much everything she puts on... or takes off. But you can't let yourself get distracted! You're running late!

"Fine," you say, as you silently calculate how to make up those lost 40 minutes. If you cut over to Cedar Street to miss the backup on 93 and make every traffic light you just might make it on time. Perfect. You reach for your keys, but when you turn back to reach for her hand, she's gone. Back into the bedroom, peeling off her clothes. And not because she just had some uncontrollable desire to have sex with you. What happened?

I'll tell you what the happened. You told her she looked fine. I know, I know. You're no fashion expert and besides, as you said, she looks hot in everything. Oh, if only you'd said that instead of "fine"!

See, when women hear "fine"—especially if you don't look at us when you say it—we hear, "You're annoying me." And, depending on how long you've been dating, we might also hear, "I don’t notice how hot you are anymore. In fact, I have totally forgotten how lucky I am to be dating such a luscious babe like you."

Now, I am sure she is annoying you. But, chances are good you still remember how lucky you are. Or at least you don't want to wait another 40 minutes for her to change outfits again. So, here's how to handle this question: First of all, don't answer right away. Pause. Look at her like you want to tear off the outfit in question. Now say something like, "Wow." Pause again. Then, add something along the lines of, "Unbelievable as usual," "Breathtakingly gorgeous," "Sweltering" (unless it's really hot out then she might think you mean "sweaty") or my personal favorite from one very compliment-adept ex-boyfriend, "Somewhere between a supermodel and a goddess."

Feel free to steal my lines or come up with your own original compliment. As a side benefit, answering correctly dramatically increases the chances that the "fine" outfit in question will end up in a ball at the foot of your bed later.